I have a lot of pictures. It will take a while to put them all online. Here they are, in roughly chronological order.

If you're looking for pictures, you may also want to check out the MitchCam Archives and the Softball Pictures.

Mar 2002 - Present

Diane and Avery -- Taken sometime in Summer 2002 (I think!) at my parents' house in Belgrade Lakes, Maine, we can see my half-sister Diane laying on a couch with Avery, the daughter of my half-sister Shannon. Speaking of my half-sisters, one of was a little upset that I referred to them as half-sisters here. It's true that I just consider them my sisters for all intents and purposes, and of course I love them dearly, but accuracy is priority one here at! I know my devoted audience would be very upset if they found out about an inaccuracy such as this one -- although that's highly unlikely, as pretty much anyone who visits my site already knows me in person...but whatever! The truth marches on.

Gretchen, Avery, and my mother -- First, just the facts. This photo features my mother, my niece Avery, and my parents' dog Gretchen. I'll leave it to you to figure out which is which. The location is the garage of my parents' house in Belgrade Lakes, Maine. I don't know the exact date, but I think it was Summer 2002. Now, if you view this picture, several questions may come to mind. Why is Avery so delighted? What is in that bucket in front of her? And what is that pile of bags on the right in the foreground? As for the first question, one can only speculate. But this girl is quite young, and if you view the other photos on this site you'll see her being delighted at all sorts of things, so let's just say it doesn't take much. But, the other two questions I can definitively answer. The bucket and bags contain the same thing -- deer food. My dear (ha!) mother has it in her head that she must feed all wild deer in the state of Maine. She brings multiple buckets (the side of which you can observe in this photo) to a feeding spot near our house. That's a lot of deer food, which brings us to the bags. As you can see, that's a pretty big pile of the bags. What you may not realize is that it extends several feet beyond the edge of this photograph. My parents own a big pickup truck, and my mother fills the bed of it with these bags. And the bed of the truck is covered, so they can stack it all the way to the top of that. Let me tell you a story about this deer food. My brother Matt and I were home for Christmas in 2002. One night before we went to sleep, she told us that she'd purchased deer food that day, and we'd need to unload it the next day. Until that point I hadn't really been aware of how much deer food she bought. I mean, I knew she fed them frequently, but somehow I had just never seen the deer food stash. Evidently Matt hadn't either, or so I think. So anyway, the next day I woke up around 3pm. Matt and I had a friend Nick spending the night (he is pictured in other pictures, if you want to look for him), and he also slept late. I had completely forgotten about the deer food, because our mother told us about it when we were playing a computer game. Anyway, at dinnertime Nick went out to the garage to get a soda (we don't need to refrigerate them in Maine -- keeping them in the garage suffices), and when he came back in he was laughing. He commented that he had no idea how Matt had moved all that deer food by himself. I had to go see, and when I opened the garage door, I was amazed. The pile was higher than in this had to be multiple tons of the stuff. I'm kinda surprised the house didn't collapse into its foundations or something. And Matt had moved it all himself, over the course of an hour or two. That's how long it took! What we all found even more amazing is that my poor father (77 at the time) had been carrying this in for my mother, when me and Matt weren't around. So there's the secret to his longevity. Plenty of hard, back-breaking labor. And it's all for the deer. I don't even want to tell you how much money my mother blows on deer food per month. It's unbelievable.

Leah, Avery, and Kevin -- I think this photo was taken near Diane's house in upstate New York, but I'm not sure. And I think it was taken in Summer 2002, but of that I am also unsure. However, I am fairly confident in saying that the people features are Diane's daughter Leah, Shannon's daughter Avery, and Diane's son Kevin. I like the pose Avery is striking, but I don't really know how to describe it. But then again, why should I waste my time doing so, when you can easily click on the link and see it for yourself?

Leah standing -- If you want an exciting action photo, just keep on going. My niece Leah is standing in a room. The room is possibly in her house in upstate New York. The date is possibly Summer 2002. So many questions, so few answers. This is what happens when my mother mails me photos and I don't scan them in promptly. Hey mom, or anyone else who may know, e-mail me if you know where or when they were taken. Thanks!

Mom, Shannon, and Avery riding a train! -- Like the previous ones, I don't know the location, and I suspect it was taken in Summer 2002. My mother, Shannon, and Avery are all riding a train. The train is largely red. I'm not sure what else to say. Oh, Avery doesn't appear altogether delighted in this photo. Not sure who pissed in her corn flakes.

Ryan -- Ryan is also Diane's daughter, completing the triumverate of children. In this picture, there is only Ryan. No other people, no pointless scenery, just Ryan. This, I imagine, would please Ryan immensely. Unknown location, probably Summer 2002, blah blah blah.

Ryan again -- But this time I know where she is -- my parents' house in Belgrade Lakes, Maine. The date, however, remains uncertain. Summer 2002 is still the prevailing guess.

Shannon, Avery, my mom, and Colleen -- Colleen is another one of my half-sisters. This photo looks to me like it was taken at Shannon's house in Nacogdoches, Texas. The date? I'm guessing Summer 2002. Avery is doing the pose like she had just said something and then immediately regretted it.

Shannon and my father -- They pose in the garage of my parents' house in Belgrade Lakes, Maine. God it hurts me to type this again, but the date is unknown, and I'm guessing Summer 2002. Ahhhh!

Shannon, Kevin, and Avery on some steps -- I think these are the steps to Diane's house, but I could be wrong. I think the date is Summer 2002. Avery insolently refuses to look at the camera.

Mitch and his Impala -- On March 10th, 2002, I traded in my trusy 1993 Buick LeSabre for a brash 2001 Chevy Impala. The Buick had served me well for many years, and before that it had served my brother Matt and my father well. However, perhaps in part due to some rough riding and long miles over the years, it eventually had to step aside for its successor. In this picture I am standing in front of the Impala. This is a particularly good picture of the car because you cannot see the silly spoiler on the back end of it. Other than the spoiler, it's a fine car. This picture was taken in Nacogdoches, Texas, at Shannon's house (she's my half-sister). Her husband Jeff's family owns a Chevy dealership, and they gave me a good deal on the car. I think my mom took this picture. She was visiting Shannon at the time of the car breakdown.

Another of Mitch and the Impala -- On the left side of the photo you can see the edge of the spoiler. I lied -- the spoiler isn't the only problem with the car. It also has some sort of governor on the engine that does not let it exceed 110 miles per hour. Sure, that's a speed I'd never need to travel (unless I was on the run from the law), but it seems silly to limit the poor car. When I first got the car, I had to drive it home from Nacogdoches to Austin. That's a 4 or 5 hour drive, approximately, so I had the opportunity to see how fast the car could go. When I first ran into the 110 mile per hour limit, I thought the car had experienced some kind of problem. I had floored the accelerator and was accelerating until it hit 110, and then it acted like I had taken my foot off the pedal even though I was still pressing it. Once it got down to around 100, it started accelerating again. I think my mom took this photo also.

Mitch, the Imapala, and a golden dog -- The dog belongs to Shannon and Jeff. I think it's name is Sunny, but I dont' remember -- they have a lot of dogs. The spoiler is also visible. Isn't it silly? And isn't it undeniable that my mother probably also took this photo?

Apr 2001 - Feb 2002

Leah Focuses -- Leah (my niece) is seen here playing a game called Catch Phrase. The blue object in her hand is the game. It is a game where you are given a phrase and you have to get your partner to guess it, without saying the words in the phrase. So if your phrase was "Butch Cassiday" (not technically a phrase, but I didn't name the game) you might say "His buddy was the Sundance Kid." You can skip a phrase if you don't like it, without penalty. When you finally get your partner to guess the phrase, then you pass the blue device to your left. That person must then make their partner guess the phrase given to them. This continues until a timer runs out. When the timer runs out, the team that isn't holding the blue thing gets a point. Anyway, Leah is playing that game in this photograph, and it is clear from her expression that she is willing her partner to read her mind. Taken at my parents' house in Maine, between Christmas and New Year's Eve 2001.

Norman and Kevin -- As you can see, Kevin is also playing Catch Phrase. Norman the cat is looking at me (I am behind the camera), trying to transmit the answer to me through the power of his mind. I don't remember if it worked or not, but I seem to recall me and Kevin losing that game.

Leah, Kevin, and Ryan -- The three children of my sister Diane and her husband Pat. They are sitting together at my parents' house in Maine, between Christmas and New Year's Eve 2001. You may not realize it, but this photograph depicts a miracle -- the miracle being that they are not fighting with each other. A truce was called in the interest of being photogenic, and no doubt the fighting resumed as soon as the picture was taken.

Leah and Ryan -- Same place and time, but now it is just Leah and Ryan.

Matt, Kevin, Leah, Ryan, and Me -- While they were at our parents' house in Maine, Matt and I took the kids to see Lord of the Rings. Matt and I had already seen it once, but wanted to see it again. Only Kevin had any real enthusiasm to see the movie, but we persuaded the other two to come along also. They all really liked the movie, and when we told them they were based on books, they all wanted to read the books. As luck would have it, we had almost two complete copies of the series at our parents' house, as well as two copies of the Hobbit. Matt and I wanted to re-read the series also. This photo shows all five of us on a bed, each reading a book by Tolkien (except for Matt, who is reading a book by Orson Scott Card -- this is because there were not enough copies of the book he wanted to read).

Ryan and Half of Matt -- Sitting on the very same bed, but they don't appear to be reading OR playing Catch Phrase.

Mitch Playing Charades -- In an effort to amuse ourselves in cold, desolate Maine, we played charades. Here I am thinking about how to act out the current charade. As before, taken between Christmas and New Year's Eve 2001.

Mitch Running -- Actually, it's another charades photo. I think I was pretending to be a baseball player. Note the expression on my face.

Ryan Playing Charades -- One word, one syllable, first word? Impossible to say.

Carrie and Andrea -- Carrie Mitsuyoshi (a coworker, softball player, and friend) and Andrea Golden (my brother Matt's girlfriend at the time). Andrea is clearly drunk drunk drunk. Carrie clearly finds this amusing. Clear to those who know what my apartment looks like is that this photograph was taken in my living room in Austin. It was taken on December 8, 2001, at a party.

Andrea and Matt -- Matt and Andrea sit on the couch at the very same party.

Mitch Hammering -- In preparation for the party, I finally got around to getting the wire for one of my stereo speaker's off the floor. My solution was to run it across the ceiling. This required me to nail a few eyelets to the ceiling, which I am seen doing in this photograph. Sarah Kraul took the photograph.

Dad and Spot -- An aerial view of my father and Spot the cat. Taken around Thanksgiving 2001, from the attic of an unfinished house down the road from our house in Maine. My father is unaware that he is being photographed.

Dad and Darth Maul -- This photograph brings to the public several facts that are not well-known. First, Darth Maul did not die in Star Wars: Episode I -- he was sewn up and he now lives in the woods, near my parents' house in Maine. Second, my father is close friends with him. Third, both my father and Darth are comfortable enough with their sexualities to pose for a photograph with my father's arm around Darth's shoulders. Taken around Thanksgiving 2001. Careful observers will note Spot the cat at Darth Maul's feet.

Bathroom Scale -- You may be wondering why I took a picture of a bathroom scale. Well, I am not a cruel man, I will not let this question torment you until your dying day. If you look at this photo, you will see that it is a most unusual place for a scale to be. I had just arrived at my parents' house in Maine for Thanksgiving 2001, and I was carrying my stuff upstairs. I was walking by the bathroom and was surprised to see the new configuration. I suppose the placement of the scale would make it very easy to determine the exact weight of the urine you lose each time you urinate. No doubt that was my parents' intention.

Cats and Scarlett -- Rasputin and Frankenstein are curled up together on one end of my couch, while my ex-wife Scarlett lies on the other end of it. Taken in late November or early December 2001 in my living room.

Mitch's Bedroom -- In August 2001 I moved to a new apartment in Austin. This picture was taken between September and November 2001. It shows the bedroom of my new apartment. I took pictures of my new apartment so my mother could see what it looked like, being that she lives in Maine and all. Of course, I'm only now (January 2002) getting around to posting the pictures, and she is visiting us in Texas in March, but what can you do?

Another View of the Bedroom -- See where I sleep!

My Closet -- What could be more exciting than seeing my closet? I should mention that I have two such closets, because I have a two bedroom apartment. The photo does not make clear how truly enormous these closets are.

My Kitchen -- There is nothing interesting to say about my kitchen. Oh, well, that's kinda a lie. When I first moved into my apartment the dishwasher was broken -- the little soap holder couldn't close. So eventually they had a guy come and fix it. After he was done with it, the soap holder could close, but the dishwasher wouldn't turn on. After all was said and done, a month had passed, and I finally had a working dishwasher.

More of My Kitchen -- I know you couldn't die happy unless you'd seen the other side of my kitchen.

My Living Room -- One of my cats models the comfortable carpeted floor of my living room. It may not be clear from this photograph, but my living room is extremely long. I am considering installing a bowling alley.

Norman on the clock -- Norman the cat is perched atop the grandfather clock in my parents' house in Belgrade Lakes, Maine. I think this was taken in May or June 2001.

Don't do it, Norman! -- You have so much to live for!

Me and my father -- We are sitting in Fenway Park, home of the Boston Red Sox, on May 26, 2001. My mother is taking the picture.

My mother and I -- Sitting in Fenway, with my father taking the picture. You can see a piece of gum in my mother's partially open mouth!

Mom and I again -- Same as before, but the gum is off to the right now. We saw the Toronto Blue Jays play the day this picture was taken. The Red Sox lost, unfortunately.

More of Mom and I -- Her mouth is closed, the gum is hidden, but I'm sure it's there! During my trip to Boston, I saw the Red Sox play four games (three times against Toronto, once against the Yankees). They beat Toronto twice, and lost once each to the Yankees and Toronto.

Fenway Park -- One of the shots I took of Fenway Park from our seats. Featured prominently is the famous Green Monster.

More Fenway -- A closer view of the Green Monster, featuring the "100 Years of American League Baseball" sign and the manually operated scoreboard.

Still More Fenway -- Fenway Park is the smallest park in the major leagues. It also has the smallest foul territory of any park, and the highest average ticket price. It is the oldest park still in use.

Avery with a bow -- My niece Avery sports a bow on her head. I believe this was taken in the living room of my sister Shannon's (Avery's mother) house in Nacogdoches, Texas. It was taken in Spring 2001, probably in May.

Avery, Colleen, and Shannon -- My niece is held by my sister Colleen, while Shannon smiles for the camera. Taken in the kitchen of Shannon's house.

Mar 2000 - Mar 2001

Me, Andrea Golden, and Matt -- Taken on the couch of my sister Shannon's living room in Nacogdoches, Texas. The date is Fall 2000, probably September. Andrea is Matt's girlfriend. We had just driven there from Austin, and are tired.

Me, Jeff, and Matt -- Me and Matt are on jet skis. Shannon's husband Jeff is telling us something. Taken on some lake near Nacogdoches.

Mitch, Sans Tooth -- I was hit in the face with a softball at softball practice on May 7, 2000. This was the result. Fortunately it was not an actual tooth that was knocked out, but was merely a cap. What you cannot tell from this photograph is that I had to have extensive stitching done to the inside of my lip. Also, there was a fair amount of dental work beyond just replacing the cap. Evidently the softball very slightly knocked my teeth out of their normal alignment, so my bite didn't work right anymore, and it took a long time for them to correct this problem. For a while I had to pry my teeth into the correct position several times a day with a tongue depresser. Another part of the solution involved them grinding off parts of my teeth to make them fit together again. For some reason they didn't feel that procedure required anaesthesia. Jerks. Anyway, this photo was taken in my apartment by Libby Barrett, just before I went to the emergency room. Libby and her roommate Hayley Adams drove me to the emergency room so I could get stitched up.

Still Missing A Tooth -- I had Libby take two pictures, because I didn't want to risk not having it come out. A disturbing thing happened at the emergency room. While they were taking my information, a man came in complaining of severe chest pains. He was sure he was having a heart attack. When he came up to the woman taking my information to tell her this, she told him to sit back down and wait his turn. She had already learned the extent of my injuries by that point, so it wasn't as though she could have thought my case was more important. Anyway, the guy was alive when I left, so I guess all's well that ends well.

Bonnie, Hawi, and Mitch -- Taken at Clicks Billiards (on Oltorf) on 4/27/00 by Carrie Mitsuyoshi, this photograph prominently features Mr. Hawi Stecher holding a mug of beer. To the left of him is Bonnie Ritchey, and to the right of him is my scary profile. This picture was taken after the Ice Weasels won a game that night. My profile is really scary. If this was not such a lovely picture of Hawi, this picture would not see the light of day.

Newton, Aimee, Cory, Bonnie, and Mitch -- As with the last photo, this was taken by Carrie at Clicks on 4/27/00. From left to right are Newton Liu, Aimee Doll, Bonnie, and myself. I am far less scary in this picture.

Newton, Aimee, and Cory -- Since I posted the scary photograph of my profile, I am posting this photo also. I assume Carrie took this photo in order to catch both Newton and Aimee while they weren't paying attention. Cory, while also not paying attention to the camera, manages to retain his ever-photogenic demeanor.

Brandy and Mitch -- I am sitting on a picnic table, Brandy Teague is standing next to it. This photo was taken by Carrie at Century Oaks Park (aka the IBM park) on 4/23/00. The occasion? A picnic before softball practice.

Brandy is a model! -- Carrie has a penchant for taking unexpected and unusual photos. She has done so here. This closeup of Brandy's face comes off as quite stylish. This was also taken at the picnic on 4/23/00.

Brandy and Sherri -- Further photographic evidence (thanks to Carrie) that Brandy was at the picnic. Sitting next to Brandy is Sherri Dunlap. They appear to be sitting on the bleachers, watching Newton, Hawi, and I practice softball. Sherri wasn't practicing because she isn't on the team. Brandy isn't practicing because she got hit in the arm by the softball earlier during practice. And Carrie isn't practicing because she began to feel light-headed due to the heat.

Newton is also a model! -- Similar to the picture of Brandy above. Maybe Carrie should be a photographer for some trendy magazine. Also taken at the picnic.

Hawi climbing a swing set -- Hawi likes to climb things, evidently. Here is is seen climbing a swing set, at the picnic on 4/23/00. Carrie also took this photograph.

Newton hiding -- Hey! Who's that behind the chips? Oh, it's Newton. Carrie captured this precious moment at the picnic on 4/23/00.

Mitch sleeping -- Rasputin used to be asleep on the pizza box -- that's why my hand is there. Why else would my hand be on an empty pizza box? Taken in my apartment in Austin, TX, March 2000 by (most likely) Sarah Kraul.

Rasputin and Frankenstein -- My cats are asleep on Matt's suitcase (Rasputin on the right, Frankenstein on the left). Taken in my apartment in Austin, TX, March 2000 by (most likely) Sarah Kraul.

Standard Deviation -- Matt and I are in a band. It is called Standard Deviation. Here is a picture of us performing in my living room. Taken in my apartment in Austin, TX, March 2000 by (most likely) Sarah Kraul.

Nov 1999 - Feb 2000

My niece Avery, and a box -- Avery is caught examining a box. Avery is the daughter of my sister Shannon, and her husband Jeff. She is just over a year old in this photo. I'd like to tell some scandalous information about her here, as I do with so many other photos, but she hasn't had a chance to do anything scandalous yet (barring the usual, um, messes that babies love to make). This was taken in our living room in Maine, February 2000.

Avery vs Dog -- One of our german shepherds (either Lilly or Gretchen) confronts Avery. Humorous photography ensues. I truly hope that Shannon and Jeff keep a copy of this photograph to show to Avery's suitors in her fragile teenage years. Also taken in Maine, February 2000.

Avery eating an unknown substance -- This photo is a little disturbing. I've put a fair amount of effort into analysis of this photo, and as best I can tell, she is either eating a hunk of sausage or a dog bone. Given my family, if Avery *was* eating one of those things, I suppose they probably would be sure to photograph it before they took it away from her...provided they took it away from her at all. I'm tempted to ask my mother if she can identify the unknown substance, but I fear that it will turn out to be something far worse than I'd care to think about. So I'll close by saying that this was taken in our kitchen in Maine, February 2000.

Avery and Shannon, inside -- Avery assumes the "praying mantis" pose, and Shannon smiles politely for the camera. My first impression of this photo was that Avery had clearly just said something embarassing (perhaps her first curse word), and she immediately put her hands over her mouth in surprise. The problem with this theory is that, last I knew, Avery didn't speak coherently. But the last time I saw her was at Thanksgiving 1999, so she's probably learned since then. Also taken in Maine, February 2000.

Avery and Shannon, outside -- Variety is the spice of life. Here we see Avery and Shannon in the snowy wasteland that is our driveway in Maine. Taken February 2000.

Jeff and Lilly -- Jeff and Lilly are seen here outside of our house in Maine. They are watching snow fall off the roof of our house. I'm not sure why they're doing this, or why someone decided it was worthy of a photograph. I'm mainly putting it on my web page because my mother has been bugging me for weeks: "Put the pictures I sent you on your web page!". I only left one picture out. It was ANOTHER picture of Shannon and Avery. I mean, Christ, sure the kid is cute, and I love my sister dearly, but enough is enough. This is my web page -- I'm supposed to have excessive pictures of me, not Avery, the camera-hog! Yeah. So, anyway, this photo was taken outside our house in Maine, February 2000. As if you didn't know.

My mom and Avery -- Yes, more of Avery. You just can't get enough, can you? My mother is holding Avery, and they're outside, and they're in Maine, and it was February 2000, and I'm just sick to death of writing descriptions for these photographs. It's hard work, people! First I slave forever scanning them, then I edit them, convert their formats, and then I have to write these damn descriptions. You'd better appreciate it.

Me, after a haircut -- Yes, it is a picture of me, after Carrie Mitsuyoshi cut my hair. Taken in her apartment, by her, at some point in January or February 2000.

Me, before a haircut -- Well, during, really. Carrie felt it necessary to take this photograph.

Aimee's Mysterious Expression -- Aimee Doll wears a mysterious expression. Photographed in her kitchen on 1/20/2000 by Carrie Mitsuyoshi.

Aimee and Lacey -- Lacey is Aimee's dog. I don't know if the name is spelled Lacy or Lacey, but I'm sure she (the dog) won't mind much either way. Taken in Aimee's apartment on 1/20/2000 by Carrie M.

Curtis Klager -- In a green shirt, outside of Aimee's apartment on 1/20/2000. Taken by Carrie M.

Curtis crushing my head! -- Taken at Aimee's kitchen table on 1/20/2000 by Carrie M.

Lacey learns to drive -- Taken in the cab of Aimee's truck, outside her apartment, on 1/20/2000 by Carrie M.

It's a plane! -- From left to right, Leslie Romoli, Leigh Anne Fagin, and Bonnie Ritchey gaze at the sky. Although the photograph doesn't make this apparent, they are observing the moon, which is being covered by the Earth's shadow. Taken outside Aimee's apartment on 1/20/2000 by Carrie M.

Sarah, Bonnie, and Frances -- All sitting in Aimee's living room on 1/20/2000. Taken by Carrie M.

Me on the red couch -- I'm sitting on the red couch, holding a glass. The glass contains a drink called a Blue Canary. It is made with gin, blue curacao, and grapefruit juice. To me, it tasted like orange rind. But it wasn't TOO bad. It was a lovely cloudy blue color. I didn't notice this until after I scanned this photo in, but Rasputin is laying under the table next to the couch. Enjoy that added bonus. Taken in my living room in Austin, January 2000.

Me, drinking, on the red couch -- Same as the last photo, except now I am in the process of drinking the Blue Canary. Note my eyebrows. Also, note the remote control in my hand. And, as before, note the always-majestic Rasputin. Taken in my living room in Austin, January 2000.

Keri on the couch -- Keri, my then-girlfriend, sits on the red couch in the living room of my apartment in Austin. Taken in January 2000.

More of Keri on the couch -- Keri remains on the couch, beautiful as always. She appears to be kicking at the camera. Or perhaps crossing or un-crossing her legs. Who can tell? Taken in January 2000, in my living room in Austin.

Still more Keri -- Like the previous photos, but more of a close-up. Keri liked to use the phrase "not anymore good" to describe something that didn't work or had gone bad. For example, I had some food or drink that had spoiled, and she proclaimed that "It's not anymore good." I love that phrase, although she was embarassed when I first pointed out that, as much as I love it, it isn't really very good English. I was quick to explain that I really did like it, so she kept using it. Woo-hoo! Taken in my living room in Austin, January 2000.

Keri and I, by the TV -- Keri is holding The Matrix on DVD in her lap. I like the expression on Keri's face in this photo, with her eyes closed. I can't exactly say why, but it's a great picture. Taken in my living room in Austin, January 2000.

Keri and I, still by the TV -- Now I am laughing uproariously at something. Very uproariously. One unfortunate thing about Keri was that she was allergic to cats. That often caused problems for us. She liked my cats (although, like many, she was a little surpsied at how much attention I pay to them), but she was biologically incompatible with them. Taken in my living room in Austin, January 2000.

Keri and I, we love that TV and we're not moving -- We both look seriously at the camera. No uproarious laughing in this photo. Keri and Carrie Mitsuyoshi (of softball team fame) both often reprimanded me when I pronounced Keri and Carrie in the same way. There is a BIG difference. A big one. And you'd do well to remember that. Also, women don't like to be called "toots". Which brings up another issue -- that could be read as rhyming with "loots", but I mean it to rhyme with "foots". Damn. Taken in my living room in Austin, January 2000.

Frankenstein wears a flower -- My cat Frankenstein wears a flower in her collar. She doesn't seem particularly aware of it. She is sitting on a cinderblock, in my living room in Austin. Taken January 2000, by someone other than me, I think.

Rasputin inspects Frankenstein -- My cat Rasputin notices Frankenstein's flower, and examines it. He stands on not one but two cinderblocks, and Frankenstein (his sister) remains sitting on a third cinderblock. My living room is full of cinderblocks. One of them is gold colored. It was mysteriously deposited outside of my previous apartment (on Riverside Drive in south Austin). After it had sat there for about a week, I took it inside the house. I've had it ever since.

Curtis on the green couch -- Curtis sits on the green couch in my living room in Austin, January 2000. I don't know who took the photo. I don't have much to say about this photo. I will say, however, that Curtis is tall.

Curtis holding Ghostbusters -- A slightly out-of-focus Curtis holds my videotape of Ghostbusters. He has sinister plans in store for it. Taken in my living room in Austin, by me, in January 2000.

Curtis, um, using Ghostbusters -- Curtis makes creative use of my Ghostbusters video. My vacuum cleaner has nightmares about it to this day. In the foreground of this photograph can be seen Keri's legs. Taken January 2000, by me, in my living room in Austin.

Andy Swan and I, sans pants -- Taken at a party thrown by Tammy Walker in her apartment in Austin on January 8, 2000.

Matt looks very angry -- Matt probably looks very angry because he has just learned that he is going to have to drive me to the airport in Chicago at 5am, or some other ungodly hour. This photo was taken on the evening of January 4, 2000, in the Portland, Maine airport. He was supposed to fly back to school in Chicago, and I was supposed to fly home to Austin (connecting in Chicago). The Chicago flight was delayed, so I missed my Austin connection. So I had to spend the night with him in Chicago, and then fly out early the next morning. Needless to say, he was ecstatic to have the opportunity to drive me to the airport. He expressed this happiness in this photograph, which I took in the interest of immortalizing his generosity and good natured outlook in the face of adversity.

Matt shuffles cards -- Before the homicidal rage set in, Matt and I had to wait in line to discover our fate. To pass the time (it was a long and slow-moving line), we played poker. Five card draw. Two handed. With no money. Ergo, no fun. But, we did it. And here is Matt, shuffling the cards on his leg. I took the photo. Taken in the Portland, Maine airport on 1/4/00.

Sunrise over Atlantic City -- Laura convinced us to stop and photograph the first sunrise of the year 2000 over Atlantic City. She took the picture.

Weary Matt -- Matt and I played a LOT of poker when in Atlantic City. I won about $200, as I recall. Matt was about even at the end of the trip -- it was his first time playing poker in a casino. Anyway, I think this photo was taken in the very early hours of 1/1/00. After returning from the beach, Matt and I were hungry, and wanted to eat before playing more poker. We had already been playing poker since early that afternoon (perhaps around 1pm). So we'd played 11 or 12 hours of poker so far. Matt is seen here, in an elevator, on our way to a restaurant that is accessed from the poker room via this secret elevator. Matt's appearance shows just how much poker we'd been playing. I took the photo.

Matt and the chef -- Matt shakes the hand of the man who made our food. This was taken in the super-secret Taj Mahal poker room restaurant. The woman in the background, almost blocked by Matt and the chef, did not want to be in the photo. Too bad! I took the photo. After we ate, we went back to the poker room and played until 6 or 7am. Taken 1/1/00.

Laura Koehn and Matt -- They're standing on the beach, right outside the Taj Mahal Casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey. It is immediately before or after midnight, so it's either 12/31/99 or 1/1/00. Matt uses both fingers to flick off the photographer (in this case, me), whereas Laura exercises restraint. For the record, if you want to know where Matt was when the midnight hour came, then I can tell you. He entered the year 2000 standing on a piece of driftwood on the beach. He was careful to ensure that we all knew and remembered that fact.

Me on the beach -- Here I am on the beach. Yes. Taken either just before midnight on 12/31/99 or just after midnight on 1/1/00. We're still on the beach outside the Taj. Matt or Laura took this photo.

Cheesequake! -- New Jersey is a strange place. I don't think anyone disputes that fact. Hell, I was born in the state. Anyway, here is further evidence of New Jersey's weirdness. Laura Koehn, my brother Matt, and I were driving down to Atlantic City on 12/30/99. We were hungry, and when we saw an exit marked "Cheesequake", we knew where we had to eat. Evidently there is an entire town in New Jersey named Cheesequake. This picture was taken at the Cheesecake rest stop. A kind lady passing by was willing to photograph (from left to right) Matt, Laura, and me. We gave her only one instruction: Make sure that the "Cheesequake" sign is in the picture. As you can see, she complied. Thank you, helpful lady, wherever you are.

Laura and Matt, outside with snow -- Laura and Matt stand in the snow, just before we departed on our trip to Atlantic City. The date, 12/30/99. The location, our driveway in Maine. The poses, happy (Laura) and surly (Matt).

Me, askew, outside with snow -- I think Laura took this, but maybe Matt did. Whoever did, they thought it would be best if they took the picture with the camera at a strange angle. So admire me and admire the artistic license employed by the photographer. Taken in Maine, in our driveway, on 12/30/99.

Me, cleaning the windshield -- The windshield of the truck was caked with snow. I am fixing that problem, with a broom. Laura is photographing me in this endeavour. As you might expect, this photo was taken in our driveway in Maine, since we park our automobiles in the driveway. The date was 12/30/99.

AJ Wall, drunk as hell -- This photo was taken at our kitchen table in Maine. We had just returned from a night of drinking -- it was December 27th, 1999 Matt's 21st birthday. Nick didn't drink, as he was too young to do so. A.J., on the other hand, drank. Although it was not captured on film, Nick reports that A.J. kept licking his cake plate (sitting in front of him in this picture). Nick took this picture. Matt had already passed out in bed. I am also at the table, also drunk, but I did not lick my cake plate. I *did*, however, try to call my then-girlfriend Keri. Fortunately Nick kept the phone line busy by using the computer. I have no idea what I had intended to talk to Keri about, but given my lack of sobriety, it couldn't have been very important.

Judy Parent stares at the camera -- Judy is Nick's mother. This was taken during dinner on Matt's 21st birthday (12/27/99). She is standing in the kitchen of our house in Maine. Judy is a very interesting person. Usually when my family interacts with other families, we have to, um, act differently than normal. Swear a lot less, reduce the bickering, etc. Well, we don't have to do this with Judy. She fits in perfectly. Sometimes I wonder if, at some time in the distant past, my mother was like all other mothers. And then she met Judy, and became the woman we all know and love. Who knows? Let me tell you a story about Judy. This illustrates my point well. Back in November/December 1998, I was dating Monica Brown. Monica lived in Houston. Judy and my mother were visiting my sister Shannon, in Nacogdoches, Texas. I was supposed to visit them in Nacogdoches. I was a few hours late, because I was spending time with Monica in Houston. So when I walk in the door to Shannon's house in Nacogdoches, (and it is important to remember at this point that I had been dating Monica for only a week or two, AND I hadn't seen Judy for almost a year) the first words out of Judy's mouth (the first words out of anyone's mouth, I believe) was "So, have you slept with her yet?". And then she spent the next half an hour grilling me about my relationship with Monica. Ah, yes, Judy. We all do love her though.

Birthday dinner -- We ate lobster on Matt's birthday (12/27/99). From left to right, we have A.J., Matt, Nick, and me. Everyone is smiling or laughing except A.J.. Strange. Taken in our kitchen in Maine. I hadn't shaved in weeks. I have a tendency to do that when I go home to Maine.

Nick attacks me as I shoot pool -- Nick , an old friend, hides under his pool table and attempts to screw up my shot. The fatal flaw in his plan was this: you cannot disrupt the shot of a man who has no pool skill to begin with. Note the strange photographic effect taking place over my face. Note also the crown I am wearing. Note also that the photo was taken in December, 1999, by Matt.

Matt wears a hat to bed -- My brother is destined to be a fashion model. Taken by me in his room in Maine in December, 1999 (shortly after Christmas Eve).

Matt wears a different hat -- Taken in Maine on Christmas Eve 1999 (by me), Matt is wearing a hat that was a gift from our mother to our father.

Matt is still wearing the hat -- But now he's holding money.

Now I have the hat! -- We spent most of Christmas Eve passing the hat around. It's a tradition in our family.

Matt is very warm -- Matt is more suitably dressed for an Antarctic expedition than the dog walking expedition that we are, in fact, making. Taken near our house in Maine in December, 1999.

Me, Matt, and some dogs -- Taken midway through our walk, Matt and I are perched on a stone oven of some kind. Matt is giving himself rabbit ears, saving me (or the dogs, I suppose) the trouble.

Matt and our mother -- Walking outside the Maine Mall in Portland, Maine on 12/23/99. I took the photo.

Keri and I -- Keri was my girlfriend. She'd watch Rushmore with me over and over, and understood when I want to play Everquest for an entire day...what more could I have asked for? Here we are, sitting on my couch in December, 1999.

Keri sits next to me as I roar -- The Illuminatus Trilogy sits next to Keri on the couch.

Keri and I at a restaurant -- Here we are both studying a menu at Romeo's in Austin. The photo was taken in December, 1999, by either Brian or Leslie.

Keri and I again! -- Still at Romeo's, still studying the menu. Pretty much the same as the last one. Leslie thinks I look 12 in this photo. Curtis explains the photo as follows: Keri and I are both 12, and are brother and sister. Our parents just told me I got some great gift, and Keri didn't. So I'm happy and she is pouting. You be the judge. Or make up your own explanation. Go crazy.

Maile in the kitchen -- Maile Broccoli-Hickey (my roommate, along with Brian Farr) is standing in the kitchen of our apartment, drinking a soda. Taken in December, 1999.

This is my new hairstyle -- It's easy to maintain. I just wake up, use some hairspray, and it's done. Taken in my living room in December, 1999.

Brian Farr sleeping on Leslie Romoli -- Taken by me in the living room of my apartment in December, 1999.

Race for the phone -- Derrick Page watches as Libby Barrett and I both lunge for the phone. Needless to say I ended up with the phone, although I caused many other objects to fall from the counter in the process. Taken in my apartment on December 11, 1999.

Curtis Klager and I -- Standing innocently in the doorway of my apartment on December 11, 1999.

Not so innocent anymore -- We are now more accurately described as "crazed weasels from hell", inasmuch as anyone Curtis' size can be likened to a weasel.

Libby Barrett, Derrick Page, Tom Warmbrodt, and Brian Handley -- All on my couch. It was only when I was scanning this picture that I realized that the shoe in the foreground unmistakably belongs to me. From this I conclude that I too must be present in this dog pile, although I still can see absolutely no evidence of this other than my shoe. Nor do I have any memory of this event. Disturbing.

Joel Thomas contemplates balloons -- What I like best about this picture is Joel's complete concentration on the balloons, as though they hold the most deep secrets of the universe rather than some air.

Curtis Klager isn't a sane man -- ...and this photograph captures that beautifully.

Libby Barrett and Brian Handley -- They're keeping a safe distance from one another on my couch.

Joel Thomas and The Void -- Joel and nothing else -- what can I say? Taken in my apartment on December 11, 1999.

Curtis Klager and Bill Grady -- Bill is the singer, guitarist, and web master for The Suspects (a Houston-based ska band). The sticker he is holding says "Ska Inside". Taken at the Fabulous Satellite Lounge in Houston on November 20, 1999.

Brian Farr and Leslie Romoli -- They mean business. Don't even think of messing with them. Taken in my living room, November 1999.

Brian Farr being fancy -- Words fail me. Okay, I'll come clean -- I'm too lazy to think of a better caption. My living room, November 1999.

Brian Farr being scary -- Ok, he's not so much scary as he is psychotic. Taken in my apartment in Austin in November 1999.

Tammy Walker and Rasputin -- They look so happy together. Taken in my living room in Austin in early November, 1999.

Tammy in the car -- Tammy is pictured in the passenger seat of my 1993 Buick LeSabre. Taken early in the morning of 11/1/99.

Jan 1998 - Oct 1999

Abbie Swan and Thierry Joffrain -- Abbie is tackling Thierry. Taken at Andy Swan's Halloween party in Austin on 10/31/99.

Andy Swan and Me -- Andy is showing his great affection for me. Also taken on 10/31/99, at his party.

Ryan Parker and Andy -- Ryan is Paul Swan's old roommate.

Brian Handley and Eric Sebesta -- If anyone can supply an adjective to describe Eric's expression, please let me know.

Brian Handley and Me -- Yes, Brian is holding my leg. Got a problem with that?

Me in costume -- What was I supposed to be? That, my dear friends, is a mystery.

Ryan and Stacy -- Ryan apparently didn't feel like finding a costume for Halloween.

Secret love revealed -- The secret love between Qui-Gon Jinn (Derrick Page) and Darth Maul (Joe Bailey) is captured on film! Taken at Andy's party on 10/31/99.

Me and a scarf -- I'm at work, sitting in front of a computer named "drwho". A fine name. The scarf belongs to my friend Libby and the hat belongs to my friend Leigh Anne. This picture, perhaps more than any other, displays my exemplary fashion sense. Taken in IBM Building 45 in Austin on 10/22/99.

More of the same -- Another scarf photo, but this one is of slightly better quality. Taken in IBM Building 45 in Austin on 10/22/99.

Flowery Mitch -- Taken at the Kerbey Lane Cafe in Austin, Texas, on 9/11/99.

Mitch and Hawi -- I should apologize for the missing section of the picture. This photo was rescued from the trash. What isn't clear from the photograph is that two of our legs are tied together. It was a three-legged race. We took the lead early, but then our zealousness was our downfall -- quite literally. After we got back on our feet, we had lost the lead. This was taken Fall 1999. We were at a party thrown by IBM for its intrepid testing staff. It was held, I believe, at Volente Beach in Austin.

Laser Quest -- One day we got the afternoon off from work, and went to play Laser Quest. It was fun. From left to right, this photo features Barbara Smith, Aimee Doll, Christina McKinney, Marvin Goodman, me, Richard Barnett, Wen Qu, and Hope McVea. I forget the significance of the arrows we are carrying. Christina looks like she really has to pee, and although I remember that this wasn't the case, I don't remember the real explanation for her pose. I'm not sure what me, Richard, Christina, and Wen are looking at. Everyone else is looking at the camera, like normal people. I don't remember the exact date of this photo, although I think I can pin it down if I do some research at work. Anyway, I'm pretty sure it was Fall 1999.

Me at work -- Here I am sitting in front of a computer named "daiquiri", surprised (although not showing it) that the video camera is actually working. Part of my test involved taking a picture using the video camera, and here it is. In the background the lab refrigerator can be seen. Taken in IBM Building 45 in Austin on 8/19/99.

More of me at work -- Here I am standing in front of a different computer. I don't remember its name, but I think it was a Sphinx. This photo was taken for the company web page. Apparently it is a requirement. Note that I am pleasingly off-center. In the background can be seen...more computers. Taken on 8/18/99.

Summers Case with a guy named Seth -- Taken somewhere west of Texas and east of California, summer 1999.

Summers Case in a mirror -- I'm not sure when or where this was taken.

Me in a stylish jacket -- Admire my brother and I, and my amazing new fashion trend. Taken in Belgrade Lakes, Maine, by our mother. June 1999.

Me in the army! -- Ok, so I'm just wearing one of my father's old WWII uniform jackets. Belgrade Lakes, Maine. Taken by my mother. June 1999.

Me on a Ferris Wheel in Chicago -- Taken at the Navy Pier, June 1999

Me and Andrea Golden at the Navy Pier in Chicago -- This was part of an e-mail postcard we sent Matt. June 1999

Me on a couch in Chicago -- Taken in my brother's dorm room, June 1999

My disembodied head -- Taken in Houston, 5/15/99. Photographer: Rusty Brooks

My face, close-up -- Perhaps the scariest photo of me ever taken. Houston, 5/15/99. Photographer: Rusty Brooks

The Blair Mitch Project -- Created by Phil Ackley, based on the above photo.

Curtis Klager being huge -- Taken at Brian Farr's apartment in Houston, 5/15/99. Photographer: Rusty Brooks

Curtis and a scared woman -- Curtis poses with our waitress at the 59 Diner in Houston, on 5/15/99. Photographer: Rusty Brooks

The 59 Diner -- From left to right: Curtis, me, Tom Warmbrodt, Erik Swedberg. Taken 5/15/99. Photographer: Rusty Brooks

Me and Curtis -- Sitting in the front seat of my car, Houston, 5/15/99. Photographer: Rusty Brooks

Me leaning against a payphone in Houston -- Taken 5/15/99

The full version of the last photo -- Featuring both me and Joel Thomas. Taken 5/15/99

Me, Rusty Brooks, and one lucky duck -- Taken 5/15/99.

Me, Matt, and our niece Avery Mary Gound -- I'm on the left, Matt's on the right, and Avery's the kid. Also featured on the right edge of the picture are some portions of our brother-in-law Jeff, father of Avery, husband of Shannon, and destroyer of worlds. Taken in Nacogdoches, Texas, March 1999

Me, Matt, Christy Rosprim, and an elephant trunk -- Taken in my bedroom in Austin, March 1999

Josh Small juggling bread -- Danielle Gaither, whose head is obscured by a flying pack of hamburger buns, is watching with a mixture of amazement and confusion. Taken in my kitchen in Austin, March 20, 1999.

True love -- Clearly Matt is proposing to my friend Erin Moore.

Derek, Brian Farr, Curtis, and Joel -- (From left to right) Brian appears to be urinating on Curtis.

Curtis, Matt, and Joel -- (From left to right) Taken in my living room in Austin, March 20, 1999

Josh Small breakdancing -- Taken in my apartment in Austin, March 20, 1999

Me standing outside -- Taken near the volleyball court of my apartment complex in Austin, March 1999

Me and Avery -- Taken in Nacogdoches on February 7, 1999. Avery was born on January 25, 1999

Ditto -- Another angle

Ditto -- Yet another angle

Shannon and Avery -- Guess

Me and Casey McKenzie -- Taken in Brian Farr's house in the Woodlands, Texas. Doesn't Casey look happy? Don't I look maniacal? Taken February 1999

Brian , Casey, and Mark Siegal -- Taken in Brian's kitchen. Mark is the one kneeling, and Casey is the female. Taken February 1999

Derrick Page -- Derrick was my roomate from July 1998 to July 1999. This was taken sometime during that time. He's in his room in our apartment in Austin

My mother -- My mother gives me money and she smokes. In this photo, she is doing both. Taken in Maine, mid-January, 1999

Our house in Belgrade Lakes, Maine -- Note all the snow. Taken in mid-January, 1999

Me with a beard -- My brother and I didn't shave for about a month over Christmas break, in order to see the resulting beards. We both took photos at the end of that time. Taken in Maine, mid-January, 1999

More of my beard -- My beard strikes again! Don't I look like a spy?

Yet another beard photo -- Great Scott, it's another photo of the beard!

Me, my beard, and two dogs -- Lilly and Gretchen like my beard, but they dislike being put in headlocks

Lilly and I (and my beard) -- Lilly loves me

Me with a psuedo-goatee -- Slightly less facial hair

More crazy goatee action -- I have nothing even mildly funny to write here

Enough of the damn goatee! -- Same as the last picture, except I am facing forward

Doo Doo Head -- Sadly this cat is named Doo Doo Head. Here he is, looking forlorn (probably wondering why he was saddled with such a name). This was taken in Maine, mid-January, 1999

Lora Handley passed out drunk in Mexico -- Taken in late Fall 1998, this photo has a title which requires no further elaboration.

Man versus canine -- I am wrestling a dog named Sunny in this picture. Sunny belongs to my sister Shannon, who lives in Nacogdoches. Taken November 1998

Me and Doo asleep -- Doo Doo Head and I are asleep on my bed in Maine. August, 1998

Me and Doo are rudely awakened! -- I can't remember who disturbed our slumber, but they were armed with a camera apparently

Young Gretchen -- Check out the ears on this dog! Taken in Maine, August, 1998

Phil Ackley sans Pants -- Perhaps the best photo of Phil ever taken!

A Drawing of Curtis -- Drawn by one of his co-workers, I believe

Summers a Freemason? -- Probably not, but she is pictured here standing outside a Freemason edifice

More of Summers the Freemason -- She just can't get enough of those wacky Freemasons

Brian Handley gets a tattoo -- Actually, in this photo, he is just waiting to get it.

Ditto -- The procedure begins...

Ditto -- ...and is over before you know it!

Ditto -- A close look at the final product.

Lora Handley -- Taking a picture of herself in a mirror.

Lilly Is A Puppy -- A very small version of the now grown-up German Shepherd. Taken in the kitchen of my parents' house in Maine, probably Spring 1998 (since Lilly was born in January 1998).

More Lilly -- The way she is cocking her head to the side is cute times ten.

Sasha Is Not A Puppy -- And she is guarding the door. Probably Spring 1998, but I don't know for sure.

Three Cats -- Each a different color. The gray one is named Little Gray, sometimes also known as Gray Ghost because she is only occasionally seen by humans, being very timid. The orange one is Norman. The black one is one of our many black cats. If I had to guess, I'd guess it was Spot, Spot 2, or Blackie. It's not Doo Doo Head or Sally, the other two black cats my parents have. And it is definitely not Rasputin or Frankenstein, because they hate all other cats. I think this photo was taken in Spring 1998, but it could have been December 1997. There's no telling for sure. It was definitely taken in the living room of my parents' house in Maine.

A photo of me taken by Edsger W. Dijkstra -- The photo itself is nothing special, but it was taken by Edsger W. Dijkstra. He is perhaps the most famous living computer scientist in the world. I had the privilege of taking a class from him in Spring 1998. Photo taken 2/17/98

Jul 1993 - Dec 1997

Rasputin and I in Maine -- Rasputin stands on his hind legs attacking a flower that I am holding above him. Taken Christmas 1997

Frankenstein on a couch -- Frankenstein rests peacefully on a couch. I think this was taken around the same time as the above photo, and in the same locale.

A.J. Wall and Lena Asselin -- A.J. is a friend from my youth, when my family lived in Maine. Lena is the sister of Nick, another friend from my youth. During Christmas 1997 we (my family) saw them again for the first time in about 12 years. Taken in Belgrade Lakes, Maine.

Matt and Nick Asselin -- Matt sticks his tongue out as Nick watches television. Taken in Belgrade Lakes, Maine, Christmas 1997.

Shannon and my mother -- Shannon appears to be washing dishes in our kitchen in Belgrade Lakes, Maine. I'm not sure what my mother is doing. Taken Christmas 1997.

The Beauty Salon -- From left to right: Matt, our nephew Kevin, our niece Leah, me. Matt appears to be preparing to be shaved, whereas I am showing off my new hairstyle. Taken in Belgrade Lakes, Maine, Christmas 1997.

Me and Scarlett -- Yes, I know, some say I should write "Scarlett and I". I choose to ignore those people. I've taken a linguistics class, I know that the language is only what we make of it. Oh yeah, what about this picture? Well it was taken in Maine, Christmas 1997. Scarlett and I converse in the foreground while Matt trudges up the driveway in the background.

Me and my nephew -- My nephew Kevin (whom, despite my being agnostic, I can think of only as a force of supreme evil in the universe) and I pose near the Christmas tree. He chooses to adopt the gymnast pose, while I decide to look much more excited than I really am. Despite any photographic evidence to the contrary, this photo was taken in December 1997, not on May 22, 1989.

Pat Displays His Gifts -- Pat is my sister Diane's husband. My mother has a poodle named Cocoa. He is a pretty awful dog. I love animals, but Cocoa is a hard animal to like. He is extremely fat (unhealthily so -- which is my mother's fault), very whiny and needy, and I could go on and on. Anyway, for some reason we decided Pat would love a t-shirt and a mug embossed with pictures of Cocoa. He is showing them off. This is Christmas Eve 1997.

Pat Again -- Still wearing his gift.

Pat, Jeff, Kevin, and Leah -- All sitting together on the couch.

Pat and Leah -- Leah is showing off the Sylvester The Cat slippers she got. Pat is lurking in the background.

Colleen, Shannon, and Ryan -- I have nothing to say about this photograph.

Jeff on ice -- My brother-in-law Jeff proving himself the Messiah by walking on water for us. Taken in Maine, Christmas 1997.

Matt Carrying A Canoe -- Someone once signed my guestbook, many years ago, and commented that it seems like my family has a habit of photographing each other doing work. They suggested that we entertained ourselves by having one person work, and everyone else watch or photograph them. It amused me. In any case, as further evidence of the truth of this, Matt is photographed here carrying a canoe from the garage.

Shannon Outside -- Shannon admires the snowy Maine landscape, and someone sees fit to capture this momentous occasion on film. Probably Christmas 1997.

Me (and part of my father) -- Here I am standing in the snow (Maine, Christmas 1997) giving the camera a strange look. On the left side of the picture one can see my father's ass and his left arm.

Matt Counting Cards -- He is probably counting up the points after a Pinochle game, but that cannot be known for sure. I believe this photograph to be from December 1997, but I also don't know that for sure. It might have been Christmas 1998, but I don't think so. It's definitely at the kitchen table of our parents' house in Maine.

Dad Leaving the Bathroom -- Lord knows why someone took a picture of my father walking out of the bathroom, but someone did, and here is the evidence. Like the previous photograph, I believe it to have been taken December 1997.

Rasputin and Frankenstein -- Looking back, I see that they had less fur at that age. They look like different cats. I believe Rasputin is on the left and Frankenstein is on the right. This is at my parents' house in Maine. I believe it to have been taken December 1997.

Dad and Matt -- In the kitchen. Note how warmly they are dressed. This is because my mother kept the house extremely cold at all times. That is because she is crazy. December 1997.

Copper on a couch -- Taken in Maine or North Carolina. Who can say for sure?

John Flansburgh, myself, and friends -- John Flansburgh (of They Might Be Giants) stands front and center, wearing glasses. Left of him is Paul Swan. Right of him is Brian Farr. Behind him, between him and Paul, is me. Behind him, between him and Brian, is Derrick Page. I will identify no others in the photo. Taken by Abbie Swan, in the Student Union at UT Austin, on November 11, 1997.

More fun with Flansburgh

One more Flans photo, just to be safe

Matt In Disguise -- Matt is dressed for combat as he prepares to deal with some long-spoiled food in the kitchen of his dorm room. People who are obsessive-compulsive about neatness or hygiene would explode if they walked into Matt's dorm room in college. Taken November 11, 1997.

Mari and Matt -- Mari Davies was a girl who lived in Matt's dorm. Here she is, sitting on his bed with him. Matt is flicking off the camera, as is his wont. Probably taken Fall 1997, but maybe not. Definitely taken in a dorm room at the University of Chicago.

Rob Brenart Sitting -- Rob was one of Matt's roommates. He is seen here sitting in their dorm room. Probably Fall 1997.

Matt Sitting -- Like Rob, Matt also sits at a computer in the dorm room. Some unknown person can be partially seen on the left side of the photograph. I'll be damned if I'm going to spend years inventing and building a time machine just so I can go back and find out who this person is, so you'll just have to live with the mystery. I think it was Fall 1997, though, if you want to make your own time machine and check it out.

Brian Handley in the U.S. Army -- He looks psycho.

Scarlett and I -- Taken at the Rehearsal Dinner that was held at Olive Garden, Scarlett (my now ex-wife) and I pose for the camera. In the far right is Sharalyn, my brother's then-girlfriend, and in the bottom right-hand corner of the picture is Andy Swan's head

Ditto -- Just Scarlett and I this time

Matt graduating High School -- Here is Matt receiving his diploma. He graduated from the John Cooper School in The Woodlands Texas, 1996

Ditto -- Here is Matt speaking at the graduation. He was elected class speaker.

Norman looking over a cliff -- This picture was taken at my parents' house in North Carolina, where Norman the wondercat lays perched on top of a cabinet in the kitchen, looking down for the camera. 1995 or 1996.

Dorothy/Spike and her son, James -- They look remarkably grainy and colorless.

Matt in a suit -- Taken at some point when he was in high school, probably 1996. I don't know who the girl standing next to him is.

Matt and a kid -- Matt was a kid's mentor, or something like that, during high school. Here he is with said kid.

Two Strangers -- My friends Curtis and Joel were roommates at UNT while I was a senior at TAMS. Once we were looking through their room and found two photos that, presumably, belonged to previous occupants. This is one of those photos. So I filed this according to when we found the pictures, as I have no idea when they were taken. Discovered sometime during the 1994-1995 school year

Two More Strangers -- This is the other photo that we found. You might note that the scantily clad women index is substantially higher

Two More Strangers -- Other Side -- This was written on the other side of the previous photo. It appears to indicate that this photo, at least, was taken over the summer of 1993 -- if the author is to be believed

Scarlett and Jeff -- Scarlett and Jeff (not my brother-in-law) were playing pool in the University of North Texas Student Union in Denton, Texas in this revealing photo. We were all students at the Texas Academy of Mathematics and Science. Taken in Fall 1993 or Spring 1994.

Brian Farr in Tights! -- Taken when he was in High School, this features Brian in tights! A sight not to be missed! Taken in The Woodlands, Texas

Mark Siegal surprised -- Taken when he was in High School, in our house in Tomball

Matt and Ryan Saxon -- Ryan is saluting Matt and his joystick. No, really. Taken in our house in Tomball, Texas, sometime when Matt was in High School

Fuzzy Matt -- Matt is looking a little out-of-focus in this picture. Seems to have been taken in the family room of our house in Tomball.

Matt in bed -- Taken in his bedroom in Tomball, this lovely photo shows Matt in his bed on the phone.

Again -- Again, Matt is on his bed, on the telephone. A common sight in those days.

Me on Christmas Eve, 1993 -- Taken in the living room of my family's house in Tomball, Texas

Me skating on ice -- Here I am ice-skating in the Galleria in Houston, TX. I am not ice-skating particularly well, but that's what you get when you live in Texas for so long.

A postcard -- When on vacation in Colorado (probably Summer 1992) we found a store that sold really great postcards. This one is an example

Another such postcard

Me and a horse -- Yup, there I am in Colorado, sitting on a horse

My mother and a pillow case -- My mother is standing in my room (in Tomball), preparing to insert a pillow into its case.

England & France (Jun 1993)

A cat -- This was just a stray cat I saw (and, obviously, photographed) in London. I think it was hanging around outside the Tower of London. Meow.

An aqueduct -- In France, there are a lot of old Roman ruins. This is one of them.

Closer, this time -- Not content with just one photograph of the aqueduct, I have captured it here from another perspective.

Yes, here it is again -- Unlike the previous two photographs, there are people in this well as an inconspicuous aqueduct.

A French river -- Remember the aqueduct? How could you forget, right? Anyway, it spanned a river, and here is that river.

A cave -- Nearby the aqueduct was a tunnel. Within this tunnel, this cave was discovered. Unfortunately, the French didn't see fit to illuminate this tunnel, so we couldn't see what was in the cave. We cleverly decided to flash photograph the cave in the dark, and here is the startling result.

A bridge -- A bridge in Paris that was lucky enough to be photographed by me. The Eiffel Tower can be seen lurking in the background.

Cameron Steiner -- Here he is pictured attempting to simultaneously turn off all of the light switches in our hotel room. This involved using both hands and one foot. Needless to say, I am the one who suggested this project. Sadly, I cannot recall if he was successful or not.

Cameron in action, part 1 -- Another of my hare-brained ideas. I wanted to defenestrate Cameron, but I settled for asking him to climb out of our hotel room window. So he did. And this, with the following four photos, document this momentous event. Yes, we were in the great nation of France, and this is how we entertained ourselves. Come to think of it, this might have taken place in London.

Cameron in action, part 2 -- Oh, in case you hadn't yet, note Cameron's hair. Yes, he does have a perm.

Cameron in action, part 3

Cameron in action, part 4

Cameron in action, part 5

A cannon -- Isn't it a lovely cannon? It is located at some castle, and that castle, as you know, is in France. Or was, anyway. Maybe it has been relocated.

A French sphere -- Yes, that's about all I can say about it -- it is a sphere and it is in France. Naturally I had to photograph it. I think it was near the cannon.

A castle -- What a beautiful castle. Is it the castle with the cannon? Who knows? Maybe. But I'm sure this castle was also in France. But France is filled with castles.

A coliseum -- Another Roman ruin, conspicuously far from Rome.

Secret of the coliseum -- Like the picture of the cave from a previous photo, I found a secret passage within the coliseum. Again I used my camera to explore it. Note the ancient Roman soda cans.

A keyhole -- In France, even the keyholes are strange. I think this may have been on a Roman ruin as well, but there's no telling. Probably not. Looks too new. And did the Romans even have locks? Who knows...

A mini group photo -- I am on the left, Cameron is on the right, and I can't for the life of me remember the name of the guy in the middle. But he did occasionally play Euchre -- a card game I learned while in France, and forgot shortly thereafter. This photo was taken on a train.

Larger group photo -- Cameron wasn't happy at this time. I was partially obscured by Cameron, who was wearing a jacket that doubled as a map of the world. The girl in the front row with red socks was always reading Ana´s Nin on the tour bus.

Another group photo -- Our little tour group was fond of group photos. (I almost spelled fond "phond" -- too much time spent on BBSes in my youth, no doubt) Notice me grinning devilishly from the shadows in the upper-left. Note Cameron in the center-back, looking for all the world like a disembodied head.

The Euchre guy -- Remember the guy from the mini group photo whose name I couldn't remember? Well, here he is again, perched on a ledge in the south of France.

Kara Racer -- Kara is a girl I met in France. Cameron lost his virginity to her. She had a boyfriend back in the United States, but he told her (according to her) that he understood if she cheated on him, as long as she didn't let anyone touch her breasts. I'm not sure if she kept her word on that or not. At any rate, here she is posing in the very same place as my nameless friend from the previous picture.

Kara strikes again! -- Another interesting fact about Kara is that she always added the prefix "T-" to words. Most notably, she would always refer to guys as "T-boy". Strange. In this photo, she is standing in front of a giant sea of oatmeal, which is located near (if memory serves) Mont Saint-Michel.

Mont Saint-Michel -- Speaking of Mont Saint-Michel, here it is, from a distance.

More Mont Saint-Michel! -- A closer view of good ol' Mont Saint-Michel.

Mitch in France -- A close-up of my face. I appear to be near a body of water.

A French structure -- I thought this was a pretty scene, so I photographed it.

Another French structure -- This quaint little tower poking out of the trees struck me as strangely Lovecraftian.

Versailles -- I even took pictures at Versailles -- what more can you want from me?

More Versailles -- Take a guess -- I dare you.

A building in France -- I don't know what the hell this place is or was, but it made a nice picture.

The same building -- It even looks nice from this angle!

Feb 1986 - Jun 1993

My 9th grade class -- Taken in The Woodlands, Texas, at the John Cooper School.

Spike's Envelope -- The envelope of a letter which I received from Dorothy/Spike. The envelope was postmarked September 18, 1992

Spike's Letter -- Part 1 -- Part of the letter enclosed within the above envelope

Spike's Letter -- Part 2 -- The ending of the aforementioned letter

Sean Crystal -- Taken on our class trip to Washington, DC, we see Sean peering into a dark hut of some kind. Taken in 1992, I believe

Sabrina Murillo in or near Washington, D.C. -- I was taken with Sabrina for many years. She and I became quite close friends for a while. We drifted apart when we no longer went to school together. Once I had the chance to renew our bond, but for some terribly stupid reason I did not. She got married, I heard. I hope she's happy. Anyway, here she is during our class trip to Washington, DC. I think this photo was taken in Virginia, actually.

Me sitting on my bed in Tomball -- What can I really say that hasn't already been said? I'm not sure when this taken. I'm guessing around 1990-1992

Suzy -- This is a picture of Suzy, the grand ol' cat. I think this is the kitchen counter of our house in Tomball, but I really don't know. Do you have any idea?

Me and Spud -- I am making sweet love to Spud, a dog (now dead, sadly) belonging to my Uncle Tom. Probably around 1991

My 7th grade class -- Taken at the John Cooper School in The Woodlands, Texas.

Scott Gray -- Scott Gray is just this guy, you know? He was a strange guy, actually. I knew him briefly in Middle School. He was pretty funny, but also very lazy. He got in trouble a lot. There was a girl named Heather Leftin in our class, and the three of us were talking and he made the joke that she got her last name because her parents "wished she had been Left In." Yeah, that's why we all loved Scott -- such classic humor. Ok, so that wasn't a good example of his humor, but it is among the first things that I think of when I think about Scott. Oh, and Monica claims that someone by the same name lent her a dime once in Elementary School. Maybe it was the same guy. Who the harf knows... Or maybe she lent him a dime. I can't remember

Jesse falling down some stairs -- This was taken at our house in Tomball. Jesse, my friend from Elementary school, had come to visit. Here he is pretending to fall down a flight of stairs.

He'll be your best friend -- This is Marc Richel, and his favorite method of persuasion was to offer to be your best friend. Here he is, showing his true self, in my room in Tomball, Texas. In retrospect, I'll bet he is Canadian. Probably taken around 1989

My 6th grade class -- What more need I say? Taken in The Woodlands, Texas, at the John Cooper School.

Ryan and Kevin -- My niece Ryan (daughter of Diane and Pat) holds her infant brother, my nephew Kevin

A Surprised Girl -- I *think* this photo was taken at my house in Nacogdoches, Texas. I have no idea who the girl is. I know two things about the picture, though:
#1) The girl in the photo was not expecting to have her picture taken.
#2) The photo was definitely taken in the 1980's

The Spook Parade -- At my Elementary school they paraded all of the kids around on Halloween and called it the Spook Parade. Apparently I saw this photo some time later, noted the brilliant light coming from the heavens, and took it upon myself to scrawl "I'm unhappy with the people on earth." This was taken during my 5th grade year at Christ Episcopal School in Nacogdoches. I am the ghoul at whom the girl in the red shirt is looking.

Halloween picture -- I'm not sure of what year this is from. Matt is the almost entirely obscured army guy at the far right, and I believe that I am the black-haired monster in front of him. I *think* the pale-faced guy next to Matt is Jesse, my best friend in my class at the time.

My 4th Grade Class on Halloween -- I am the pirate in the back of the room. Next to me is my best friend (at the time) Jesse, whose costume is unidentifiable to me.

Another Halloween picture -- Matt is standing front and center in the kitchen of our house in Nacogdoches. I am behind him, being a pirate.

My 3rd grade class -- Yes, this photo was taken in a church, it is true. This was taken at Christ Episcopal School in Nacogdoches, Texas

Our house in Nacogdoches, TX -- Located on Carroll Street (the Tomball house was on Liberty Lane, for anyone who cares), this blue beast is where I lived for a few years (3rd, 4th, 5th and some of 6th grade).

Before Feb 1986

Matt and I at school -- I'm on the left. We're waiting outside of New Day School, where we both went to school for a few years in Maine.

Me and Matt performing -- Taken in June 1985, this photo features Matt and I putting on a performance of some kind. No doubt taken in Maine.

Me, A.J., Brian Dehan and someone else -- Belgrade Lakes, Maine. I am the kid in the party hat (who is eating the string of the hat). The guy with the glasses is A.J.. The stretched-out kid is Brian Dehan. I have no idea who is in the chair

Brian, Graham Blake, and Matt (left to right) -- Belgrade Lakes, Maine. Probably watching the Dukes of Hazzard.

A lovely party -- The girl with the yellow shirt at the back of the picture is Jane Blake. The kid on the left side of the table with a blue shirt and frosting on his lips is Brian Dehan. I think Matt is sitting next to him, closer to the camera. I am in a dark blue shirt, smiling madly at the camera, in the upper-right corner of the picture. Between me and Jane, I think, is A.J.. Graham Blake (brother of Jane) is next to me, closer to the camera. I can't identify the rest. Note, however, the pack of cigarettes at the bottom of the photo. What a good example was being set for us children, eh?

My fashion sense was evident even at an early age -- Taken in Maine, October 1984.

Now Matt has the hat -- October 1984.

Me, Matt and Shannon -- Matt and I are in the foreground (I'm on the left). Behind me can be seen Shannon. On the far left one can see part of Diane, holding my niece Ryan. Taken at some waterpark in October 1984.

Me and Matt playing in the waves -- I'm on the left (don't I always seem to be?), at the very same waterpark.

Me in a strange costume -- Taken October, 1982.

Hall of Famer, Rod Carew -- This is Mr. Rod Carew. His purpose here, basically, is to waste some of my web space. Oh, this is a 1979 Topps baseball card, for those who are interested

Mitchell's Room -- My sister Colleen made this for me as a Christmas gift in 1978. What a cheapskate.

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