The Web

by Mitchell Harding

written 12/14/99

Josh had achieved notoriety at an early age:
"My sister and I played in the miniature golf tournament. We did quite well."

On January 30, 1999, Erika figured it all out:
"Guys know that our relationships are more communicative. Theirs are more grunt and video game-oriented."

My mother Jean has never steered my brother Matt wrong :
"There's a girl on this road who could use a good screwing, and I want you to accomodate her."

Haldane, what do you think of God:
"He seems to have an inordinate fondness for beetles."

Steve, you sick bastard, have you noticed anything funny lately:
"Hey, didn't the cat use to have TWO eyebrows?"

What's the secret, Mitch:
"Hand me my pants and I'll tell you."

Al, talk to me about the Garden State:
"New Jersey is like the center of civilization. Like the Nile River Valley."

Oscar, I need some suggestions on how to crush my enemies beneath my heel:
"Always forgive your enemies -- Nothing annoys them so much."

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