Vending Machines

by Mitchell Harding

written 10/13/98

In the future religion will center around vending machines. Just today, I offered one dollar to a vending machine and, in answer to my exhortations, it blessed me with a 20 oz. bottle of root beer. The gods were happy. Last week I made a similar offering and, despite my most earnest pleas, I was denied a beverage. The gods were displeased. The ubiquity of vending machines will finally eliminate the need for an oligarchic priesthood - any man, woman or child could don their sacerdotal vestments and palaver with the gods. The sign of coming apocalypse would be easily read by all: "Out Of Order."

As I sit here in my Complex Analysis class and sip my manna from heaven, I look forward to the day when all people will be united in soft drink nirvana.


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